I am a Perfectionist.

I’m not the kind you usually think of, the kind who starts a project and micro-manages every step to ensure that it comes out “just so.”  I’m not Barbra Streisand or anyone else who’s been called colorful names for being, shall we say, demanding in the service of their vision.  No, I’m the kind who faces a new project and gets so wrapped up in the minutiae of planning to make sure it turns out exactly right that I often don’t actually get started.  I’m the Perfectionist Procrastinator.

A couple of things have made this clear to me recently.  First, I’ve spent the past two weeks searching for the perfect topic with which to launch this blog.  No mere “Hey, I’m starting a blog.  Isn’t that cool?” post would do for me.  My first post would have to be momentous and weighty.  And novel.  And dynamic.  And funny.  And insightful.  And quotable.  And –  Well, you get the picture.  I just wanted whatever I put down here to be something that could only come out of collaboration between Shakespeare, Stephen Hawking and Robin Williams – on their best days EVER!

Not much to ask.

Second was a little less glamorous.  There were a couple of closet doors in my apartment that needed to be repaired.  I’d put it off and put it off – partially because of my perfectionism and partially because there is only so much time, energy and money I’m willing to expend on a rental unit.  Finally, I consulted with the team at Cliff’s, my local hardware store, on the best way to repair the holes (left by a previous tenant) bought the tools, paint, etc., and by Thursday the doors were rehung and looking great.  So I allowed myself to feel proud of the accomplishment.  For about twenty minutes.  Then I started noticing the flaws in my work.  In fact, all the lights in the room seemed to focus on the wavy surfaces of my patches and my shining moment was over.  All day the battle raged in my head.  “I could have done so much better” vs. “I learned how to do it better next time.”  (Neurotic?  Me?)

No, I didn’t go home, take the doors down and start over.  I wanted to – I really wanted to.  But I didn’t.  Instead, I channeled this self-realization, sat down and wrote this, my first blog post.  It’s not perfect – but I think it’s pretty good.  Now I’ll just aim to keep things interesting and entertaining and hope that satisfies both you and me.

OK blogosphere.  Here I come.